To our wonderful new visitors joining us from the Homies Awards, a warm welcome! You’ve stumbled upon a corner of the internet where things can get a little quirky, a little personal, and always authentically me. Stick around, and I promise it’ll be an interesting ride. When I first put out a call for a reader survey, I expected questions about my latest DIY project fails or successes, perhaps a curious query about the best paint stripper for stubborn surfaces. What I didn’t quite anticipate was the overwhelming curiosity surrounding my life as a single DIYer. Does managing an entire home renovation project on my own mean my dating life has taken a permanent backseat? Is there even a sliver of time left in my busy schedule for romance, or am I perpetually covered in sawdust and paint? And what about those rather cryptic Instagram posts that occasionally pop up?
Alright, I’ll confess to the last one; those Instagram posts are partly an inside joke, particularly for my friend Jami from What the Graham, who has a delightful obsession with my love life. I admit, I enjoy a good tease, so whenever I’m out with a male friend, a quick snapshot often makes its way onto my feed, just to keep her (and perhaps a few others) guessing. But setting aside the playful antics, your questions about my personal romantic journey are entirely valid. It’s a facet of life that intertwines with every other, and as a solo homeowner and ambitious DIYer, it presents a unique set of challenges and triumphs. So, let’s peel back the layers and dive into it. And because it’s both fun and offers a deeper glimpse into who I am, I’ll be scattering some of my favorite quotes throughout this post, adding a touch of inspiration and reflection.
My Home, My Journey: A Look Back
The Foundation: Homeownership and Shared Lives
Before we dive deeper into my current dating landscape, it’s important to set the stage with a bit of backstory. Back in late 2009, just as the New Year of 2010 was dawning, I made the exciting leap into homeownership, acquiring what I affectionately refer to as the “Ugly Duckling” house. At that time, I was living with my then-boyfriend, Scott, in an apartment. Naturally, after closing on the house, we moved in together, embarking on what would be a truly formative experience. Those initial nights in our new abode were certainly “interesting,” filled with discoveries and the shared anticipation of what being homeowners might entail.
For those who are curious about the dynamics, it’s worth clarifying that the house was always unequivocally *mine*. Scott’s name was never on the mortgage or the title, and we established an arrangement where he contributed to rent and utilities, splitting the household costs 50/50. This structure was crucial, especially when it came to the multitude of renovation projects that quickly filled my weekends. I personally funded every single renovation, from minor updates to significant overhauls. This decision was a deliberate one, rooted in a sense of fairness: since he didn’t own equity in the house, it didn’t seem right for him to pour his own money into a property that, *should we ever part ways*, would ultimately remain mine. This approach, while practical, subtly hinted at a future uncertainty that, in retrospect, proved to be prescient.
We lived in the house, tackling various DIY projects together, and navigated the everyday rhythms of life that two people sharing a home do. It was during this period that I launched this very blog, a space to document all the comical, challenging, and ultimately rewarding realizations my new house continuously subjected me to. Scott, meanwhile, embarked on a new job that he genuinely loved. As another year passed, filled with shared experiences, travels, and the quiet comfort of routine, we began to notice a shift in the lives of those around us. Many of our friends were getting married, some were starting families, and my own sister got engaged. This collective wave of change sparked a deep reflection within me. I realized that these milestones – building a life with someone, taking significant next steps – were things I desired for myself too. I made a career change, seeking new professional growth. I was ready for a deeper commitment, a shared future.
However, amidst this growing clarity about my own aspirations, a more difficult realization emerged: the relationship I was in was no longer bringing happiness to either of us. We had built a long history together, but somewhere along the way, we had started to view each other, and our future, through different lenses. After many heartfelt and candid discussions, we both came to the painful yet necessary conclusion that it was time to go our separate ways. It was a somber moment, marking the end of a significant chapter. And, for someone who shares so much online, it was an incredibly awkward experience to announce such personal news to a blend of strangers and friends across the internet. Yet, I felt it was important to be transparent about the evolution of my life, even the difficult parts.
Embracing a New Chapter: Post-Breakup Transformation and Solo Adventures
Interestingly, just before Scott moved out, he was exploring options for grad school, and his research ultimately piqued my interest in the very program I’m currently enrolled in. It’s a testament to the idea that even difficult relationships can leave you with valuable lessons and unexpected gifts. An MBA, in this case, proved to be a pretty excellent takeaway for both of us! Despite the breakup, we’ve managed to remain friends, sharing many of the same mutual acquaintances, and we still catch up over lunch occasionally (we actually did just last week). While I sometimes miss the warmth of his family and truly miss his dog – that lovable furball left such an undeniable void in the house – the experience ultimately led me to adopt my own canine companion, Charlie. My life truly wouldn’t be the same without her; she’s become my family.
In the initial six months following the breakup, blogging about house projects felt particularly challenging. Nearly every renovation I’d undertaken had involved another person who was now no longer there. When discussing my home and hobbies with family and friends – many of whom were mutual connections – references to Scott felt almost unavoidable, and inherently awkward. This made connecting with new people especially tricky. How do you enthusiastically share your passion for home renovation without constantly alluding to a past relationship? It seemed like an odd hurdle until I started completing more projects entirely on my own, establishing a new narrative for my DIY journey.
Beyond the challenges of redefining my home life, I was simultaneously embarking on a major new personal and professional chapter. I was preparing to re-enter academia, beginning my journey towards a graduate degree. This meant a fresh start: meeting new people, forging new friendships, and most importantly, dedicating myself to something I knew would be profoundly worthwhile. Achieving an “MBA by thirty” was a long-held goal, and it was thrilling to finally be on that path. My career had admittedly reached a plateau, thanks to a struggling economy and a lack of clear promotion opportunities at my previous company. I’d found a new job, but it felt like starting over in many ways. After years spent in a long-term relationship that had also concluded, I felt like my entire life was in desperate need of a jump start – a powerful impetus to propel me forward once again and reclaim a sense of momentum.
During this period of intense personal and professional rebuilding, I found that I wasn’t truly in the right headspace for dating. While the breakup had clarified what I desired from a relationship more than ever before, every time I encountered someone I was attracted to – a rarity in itself – I felt an inexplicable shrinking sensation. I became intimidated and nervous, a reaction completely unlike my usual confident self. It’s hard to articulate, but I simply felt smaller, as if I wasn’t fully inhabiting my own skin. Yet, this feeling seemed to be exclusively confined to the dating arena of my life. Everywhere else, I was excelling. I gained acceptance into my highly competitive graduate program based solely on an interview, bypassing the usual entrance exams – a huge confidence booster! My clients at work were delighted with my performance, with some even going out of their way to praise me to my supervisor and suggest a raise, which is always incredibly validating. This blog, my creative outlet, was garnering new interest, and I successfully secured my first few sponsors, marking a significant milestone. I also committed to attending my first-ever blogger’s conference, eager to connect with a community of like-minded, passionate DIYers. All the while, my house was slowly but surely transforming under my care, and my beloved pup, Charlie, was thriving, both of us hitting our own unique milestones together.
The Path Forward: Rediscovering Self and Redefining Love
Six More Months of Growth and Self-Discovery
As another six months passed, the momentum in my life only continued to build. My blog was experiencing significant growth, drawing in new readers and expanding its reach. While my new academic commitments meant the house renovations progressed at a slightly more sluggish pace, I was thriving in my graduate program, consistently performing well and feeling intellectually stimulated. Beyond academics and DIY, I began to prioritize my physical well-being. I dedicated myself to working out, discovering a deep enjoyment for both Bikram yoga and running. These activities became more than just exercise; they were crucial outlets for stress relief, mental clarity, and building a stronger sense of self.
This renewed focus on myself translated into a palpable shift in my overall demeanor. I found myself singing in the shower, in the car, and even while painting – essentially, everywhere! – and a genuine, fresh smile became a permanent fixture on my face. I treated myself to a salon visit, invested in a few new pieces of clothing, and found deep, authentic satisfaction in how I presented myself to the world. I felt confident, attractive, and completely liberated from the residual fog of my breakup funk. I made a conscious effort to carve out time for long-neglected friendships, nurturing those vital connections. Dates did occasionally materialize, but I rarely felt a true click with anyone. Curiously, I found myself getting hit on more than a few times at the most unexpected of places: gas stations! It happened with such frequency that I half-suspected it was an elaborate prank being played on me. And, true to classic dating tropes, there were a few persistent individuals I had absolutely no interest in, while the one or two guys who genuinely caught my eye seemed utterly oblivious. Ah, isn’t that just the way it goes?
Learning from Experience: The Evolution of Expectations
During this period of renewed openness, an old acquaintance resurfaced and said hello on an otherwise ordinary day. He asked me out, and I, feeling ready to explore, said yes. Our first date was fantastic, filled with easy conversation and laughter. The second followed suit, equally enjoyable. Over the next few months, our busy schedules – school, work, and various other commitments – meant we didn’t see each other as often as one might hope. However, each time we did manage to connect, I genuinely had a good time. This experience, though ultimately brief, served as an important crucible for my evolving expectations. I found myself developing a new clarity about what I truly wanted, and consequently, I was more easily disappointed by what wasn’t there. I began to admire new qualities in people and, refreshingly, found myself less stubborn than I had been in past relationships – a small but significant victory! More than ever, I believed in the power of love, but I also recognized that it wasn’t unfolding in our particular future. I actively worked to convince myself that wanting more wasn’t a character flaw, but rather a sign of growth and self-awareness. It was a reminder of how exhilarating it felt to truly click with someone, a feeling that, in this instance, simply wasn’t present. And I was okay with that.
The Search Continues: Realities of Modern Dating and Defining My Ideal Partner
Navigating the “Now-ish” Dating Scene
In my current phase of life, meeting new, eligible people who aren’t already married presents a peculiar challenge. My graduate school program, for instance, is structured to foster close bonds, meaning I spend virtually all my time with the same 25 individuals for two years straight, save for a few elective courses. Unsurprisingly, most of them are already settled down. Similarly, a significant portion of my female friends are happily married, many with children, which naturally shifts their social circles. While they often drop well-intentioned hints about wanting to set me up, I generally find these situations a bit awkward. It’s not that their friends aren’t wonderful people, but “He’s awesome!” has, unfortunately, become the modern equivalent of “He’s got a great personality!” And let’s be honest, that’s not fooling anyone anymore.
I did briefly venture into the world of online dating, about nine months post-breakup. My experiment lasted only a month. The entire experience left me feeling so uncomfortable and frankly, weirded out, that I truly don’t believe I could ever attempt it again. I know countless individuals who have found incredible happiness and successful marriages through online platforms, and I genuinely celebrate their stories. It’s simply not the right path for me.
Another personal preference, and one that might seem a bit old-school, is my approach to asking men out. Even if I’m genuinely interested, I prefer not to initiate the first date. Dropping a hint or two is usually my limit. Of course, I’ve tried asking a guy out before, but I know myself well enough now. Experience has taught me that if he’s not taking the lead on that initial date, I’ll likely find myself frustrated down the line in a relationship with him. (Side note: my ex’s unique approach to asking me out was to look at me deadpan and state, “We’re going out Friday night.” He sounded so utterly sure that I, surprisingly, believed him and agreed!) And this preference has absolutely nothing to do with whether a guy is the quiet type or not. I find myself drawn to all kinds of personalities: the quiet, introspective type; the rugged, outdoorsy type; the sharp, suit-and-tie type. I guess you could say I don’t really have a “type” in the conventional sense. But I definitely know it when I see it. 🙂
While my heart isn’t broken, and I’m certainly not wallowing in despair, I do sometimes experience moments of loneliness. It’s a natural human emotion, and in my unique situation – living alone with a dog and a somewhat limited social life (thanks, grad school!) – it’s a normal part of being single. This period marks the longest I’ve ever been single in my adult life, which, I believe, is also probably quite normal when you’ve reached a point of greater clarity and certainty about what you’re truly seeking in a partner. I am pretty sure I’m ready to share my life with someone again; the desire for companionship and a deeply connected partnership is definitely there.
Defining My Ideal: What I Truly Want in a Partner
After navigating a journey of self-discovery, growth, and evolving clarity, I have a much clearer picture of what I’m looking for in a partner. It’s not a checklist of superficial traits, but rather a deeper understanding of the connection and qualities that truly matter to me:
- That undeniable, exhilarating feeling – the pitter-patter in my chest, the butterflies in my stomach, the smile I can’t stop even when I try. I vaguely remember it, and I know it’s real and worth waiting for.
- Someone who embodies kindness. This means someone who not only inspires me to be kinder in return but is also incredibly patient with me during my less-than-stellar moments. And crucially, someone for whom I am uncharacteristically patient, especially when a pipe is *still* leaking, and I’m on my fourth meltdown of the week trying to fix it!
- Someone with a genuinely working brain. My biggest pet peeve lately is that moment when I can almost visibly see my words whizzing right over someone’s head. It’s funny, intellectual connection didn’t seem to matter as much in college, but now, a sharp, engaged mind is incredibly attractive. I yearn for stimulating conversations and a partner who truly grasps ideas.
- Someone who is genuinely comfortable in their own skin, embracing their flaws and all. I immensely admire fearlessness, not just in romantic partners but in all aspects of life – many of my closest female friends are absolute badasses in their own unique ways. There’s an incredible appeal to a person who accepts that they won’t please everyone and is completely at peace with that fact (but crucially, doesn’t purposely try to annoy people; that’s just obnoxious). I often act like a ten-year-old around the people I trust most, so knowing that I can simply be my authentic self without judgment is paramount. After all, they’re not going to get me to be anyone else anyway.
- Someone who has a clear vision and plans for the future but also embraces the joy and spontaneity of not knowing what comes next. I want a partner who loves traveling, is eager to try new things, and understands how much I appreciate surprises, even though I have a natural tendency to seek control. This balance of ambition and adventurous spirit is key.
- And of course, someone who completely gets my sense of humor. I love a guy who can make me laugh, undoubtedly. But it’s equally important that I can make him laugh, too – that shared joy and lightheartedness are essential to a thriving connection.
- This last one might seem a bit abstract or even strange, but in many ways, it’s deeply symbolic: I want someone I don’t have to constantly ask to hold the camera. Sharing my life with someone means they are an active, present part of it – not just the person observing and snapping photos of me having all the fun. When I look back on my life, I want to see myself fully immersed in the experiences, not just behind the lens. It’s about genuine participation and mutual inclusion in every adventure, big or small.
Ultimately, what I’m seeking is someone who is also genuinely looking for the right person – someone ready to invest in a connection worthy of the time, effort, and profound joy involved in intertwining two lives. I love this quote, which I’m borrowing from another single DIYer’s bathroom wall, because it perfectly encapsulates this sentiment:
My home, with all its ongoing projects, and the rich, fulfilling tapestry of my life – my career, my studies, my dog, my friendships – none of these are obstacles to finding love. On the contrary, they represent the vibrant, confident person I’ve become. I firmly believe that if and when I meet someone I genuinely want to spend my life with, I will absolutely make the time for them. I always have, for the things that truly matter most to me. But until that day arrives, and even long after it does, I will continue to passionately pursue the things I love, build the life I envision, and cherish every step of this remarkable journey. This single DIYer is building not just a dream home, but a dream life, open to all the wonderful possibilities it holds.